juggle, juggle, juggle

Ah, work, school, work, home, work, kid, work, husband, work, dog, work, family, work, friends, work etc etc... of course this is in no order of importance.

I definitely try to not lead a complicated life, I tend to not over book with events, commitments, visits and activities but the daily grind of basic responsibilities sometimes just completely takes over, who's in charge I say! By the time I get home from work (2.5hr commute each day, yuck! who signed up for that gig!) then feed our growling tummies, complete all the sundries duties that come along with the usual routine, yes I have a very helpful posse, then its 8 o'clock and in winter that might as well be midnight for me! All this to say, is why I haven't opened my notebook and wrote a word, or even surfed another blog in a week or more. I did check theweathernetwork.com on Wednesday because of storm though, woohoo.

I've probably read every book out there on how to live the life you've always wanted, usually a peak inside peoples lives, is that voyeurism? One account that resonated with me was a story told by a man who grew up only knowing 'life and work, work and life' they simply flowed in and out of each other blending effortlessly in most moments. Growing up his family lived above the restaurant they owned, he only knew that life was work and work was life they were one and same, coming home from school was coming to the restaurant. Most recently I read a book called Edge Seasons by Beth Powning, it permeated my being, as she lyrically flows through her midlife and reflects partly on such a life built, the struggle, the journey, the changes that come.

Yes, I have actively taken the pen and written my own story, really chapters of my life; I've been a personal trainer, floral designer, caretaker of a 3 acre country home, and various other jobs, like making car jacks and being a personal assistant to a Vet's wife, I dug the gardens, cooked meals, looked after the horses and chickens and on occasions helped in the Vet office. All this in an attempt find my recipe, my blend of life and work, work and life. I loved each for different reasons and relish having had the good fortune to live those moments.

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for having my job in these challenging times, what it brings financially and the interesting yet demanding projects I work on, I do try to be patient and appreciative of the here and now, this moment. Yet… ‘It’ seems to always live inside me, a vital part of me that whispers quietly at times…. then it wells screaming without making a sound inside me, my heart, my eyes, through my veins, a yearning for something more, but really......its for something less.